I wanna passion pit in your ass
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
