Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
