you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
