I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
