Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
