Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
