Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
