fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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