I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
