I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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