I bet he comes in French.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
