I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
this boner is exhausting
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
