I want to walk on stilts...naked
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
