I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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