if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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