I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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