well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
