Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
