Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
