the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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