I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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