a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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