I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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