This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
