TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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