dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
