cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
