remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
