i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
