awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
