Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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