He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
