4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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