i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
