Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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