I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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