Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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