I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
