Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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