brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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