i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You can't special order awesome
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
