If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
