She announced her abortion via fbk
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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