i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
