I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
