I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
