Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
