sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
