I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
