I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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