Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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